This time of year tends to amplify feelings of loneliness, which makes it particularly difficult for many people to enjoy the holiday season. Whether it’s because you live far from loved ones, have lost someone dear to you or were forced to step back from others for personal reasons, you might be dreading this “season of joy and love.”
It might not help to know it, but you are not alone in feeling this way. A 2022 survey showed that 55% of Americans experience holiday loneliness, with many reporting that their loneliness was worse than the previous year.
If you’re experiencing holiday loneliness this season, it’s important to acknowledge the dynamics in your life that may be contributing to how you feel. Loneliness can severely impact your physical and mental well-being, so it is important to take action. Believe it or not, you can find methods of coping and ways of establishing meaningful connections — and, ultimately, learn how to navigate the holiday season with joy once again. (That said, if you feel that you’re more than just struggling, these tips might not be enough. Please see the resources* linked at the bottom of this article.)
Acknowledge And Understand Your Feelings
Firstly, experts remind us that it’s OK to not be OK. They advise not to try to justify your loneliness or compare yourself or your situation to others. Suppressing your feelings or trying to “fake it till you make it” may only make things worse. Instead, remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and allow yourself to experience and examine them instead of fighting them.
Understanding why you might be feeling that way is important, too, experts say. Dr. John Cacioppo and Louise Hawkley, two leading researchers in loneliness studies, have identified three different loneliness categories: intimate loneliness, which is the lack of an intimate connection with another person; collective loneliness, when you feel as if you lack a place in the broader community; and relational loneliness, which occurs when you feel a lack of quality friendships and family connections. Once you identify what’s behind your loneliness, they say, you can begin to work toward change.
Cultivate Gratitude and Treat Yourself
One way to combat loneliness is to reframe the way you experience solitude. Instead of dwelling on how you’re missing out, experts suggest trying to focus on finding joy in the things that you can do because you are alone. Practice self-care, get outdoors, exercise, create new traditions or indulge in a little treat. Find and pursue your passions because you don’t have other obligations getting in the way. Work on developing a positive mindset so you can see these experiences for what they are: a privilege.
Redefine Your Expectations
Sarah Breen, who worked as a licensed clinical social worker at Cobb Psychotherapy in New York City, offers this advice on holiday loneliness: “The higher the expectations of something, the higher the stakes become. Managing expectations of yourself and those around you can be extremely helpful for times where we expect a lot. Holidays add a whole new level of stress to get along with others or be social with loved ones. Be reasonable with what to expect of yourself and accept your own limitations. It’s been a particularly difficult and taxing year (or two), so do what works best for you. If this holiday season isn’t exactly what you would want for yourself, that’s OK. You’re doing the best you can.”
Get Connected
If you’re lonely, the logical solution is to connect with other people … which is often easier said than done. While making the effort to leave your comfort zone is difficult, research has shown that reaching out to others can be one of the best ways to alleviate loneliness and its harmful side effects. If you can improve your social support network, you will reduce your feelings of depression and loneliness, and counteract the harmful health conditions those conditions can create.
Experts advise starting by reaching out to people you already know — family members, friends (even ones you might’ve lost touch with), neighbors or fellow members of your religious community. You can do this in person or even virtually if that’s easier (social media has to be good for something, right?!). If your social network is lacking, maybe it’s time to make new friends by enrolling in your local gym, signing up for classes that interest you or volunteering at a local charity. If you keep showing up, making connections will come naturally, which will keep you socially active and engaged — and potentially alleviate some of the loneliness you’ve been feeling.
*Additional resources:
- If you or a loved one are struggling with loneliness or depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
- For more mental health resources, the National Helpline Database offers five helpline numbers to know.
Top image source: svetikd from Getty Images Signature, via Canva.com
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